Emotionally Unavailable Men and the New Rules

I had a theory regarding the BD that extends to many men described as EUM which is; that one day they will wake up and realise that they are sad old men living a lonely existence whose chance for true love slipped away thanks to their own stupidity. The BD has even admitted to me (without any encouragement or prompting) that he is sometimes very stupid. It is one of the only consolations that women have when their love mysteriously vanishes.

 

But on a recent trip to Buenos Aires while I was, as usual, being interrogated by taxi drivers demanding to know why I was alone, I came to understand that this is probably not going to be the case. That old men are not sad and lonely, but rather the opposite, thanks to the liberation of women in this century.

 

My airport driver informed me that he had no desire for a wife, girlfriend or any attachment. He doesn’t need to be in a prison and prefers to enjoy his life without having to answer to anyone else. He has children and grandchildren and now he does whatever he wants.

 

My driver at the other end informed me over a drive of nearly four hours that he also was delighted to be free. He has two children who visit when he is ‘available’ and who he can send back to their Mother after a couple of days. He likes to travel (as all these tour drivers do – it’s an excuse to run away and to make new ‘friends’ who will of course leave soon, every day of the week) alone – just get up and head for the hills when the fancy takes him. He likes to have dinner with friends and when he wants a little loving, there are always plenty of available women.

 

Thanks to Women’s Liberation – a man has the freedom to do exactly what he wants without needing to get married or even commit to one person. If there weren’t plenty of available women ready to have sex in the hope of hooking him or just because they need to feel a warm masculine body in their arms after too many months, he would be unlikely to remain unattached. A man has a strong drive to have sex – if it’s not freely available, he will strive to make it so – He will get married. The way he did for the last four centuries, even though for approximately 3.75 of those centuries he was equally emotionally unavailable and barely even lived in the same house as his wife.

 

A man’s life now is perfect – it’s exactly what he wants it to be. He can work at what he loves, have a family that will be cared for by others, travel with friends and have as many lovers as he wants, when he wants. Women can have these things too. A man will say that you too are free to do whatever you want, enjoy your freedom as much as he does. Women don’t seem to enjoy these things ultimately.

 

Call it an unjust freak of nature like monthly suffering and reaching your sexual peak right at the age it starts to be a full time job to hide your jiggling flesh from a lover, but women want to be in relationship. As more and more men turn to their blessed freedom, more and more women are turning to more and more books and web sites about how to get a man to make more of a commitment. The Rules don’t work now because the game is not the same. How are we going to learn how to play the game in a whole new love world?

Comments

[Alex]

Hola Miss Vegas...long time no read...

Hmmm. Hmmm? Uh. Well. Uhhnn. Okay.

Yes, the chase, as Arlene says. The males chase variety. The females chase exclusivity. The more a woman pushes, suggests, infers, hints, desires, thinks and feels (we feel it when she does) there needs to be a relationship, a good and healthy relationship, with lots and lots of intimacy, on demand, on command.

Well, when that happens, the man in the equation starts to (sometimes) get antsy, remembering the utter freedom of utter freedom. Remembering the variety. Distancing himself? Fearing the responsibility? Fear? Wanting to just be responsible for his own happiness?

Who knows what's at work...it is all very strange...

Yet beautiful.

[Arlene]

Good question, and one I certainly don't have an answer for. For me, I would like to be in an independent relationship where I don't actually live with my love full-time. I have known of older folks that live like this because of the lives and the family that they have. I doesn't mean that one isn't committed to a relationship, just that you both understand that you might like different things or may have family commitments (like visiting the grandkids). On the other side of that, I do know a man here that lives like your taxi-driver. He seems pretty happy enough.
Maybe if the women just got on with their lives and did interesting things, they may just end up with the relationship they wanted rather than just focusing on chasing after a relationship. Just a thought!