What a waste of a day. I was powering along nicely with editing and then went to use the net at my usual café on the plaza. The BD sat down two tables away. This time in the same café, not the next one along. I could be the grown up and speak to him, he came over. Notwithstanding the break I wanted to grab him. We are
I don’t want to let go of him. I sometimes wish I could but I will not. Does he want to let go of me? I have no idea what he’s thinking. He sat down in front of me when he could easily have gone to the other side of the plaza. Most women would read a lifetime of meaning into that.
I think he doesn’t really know what he wants. Freedom obviously but that isn’t an issue with me. Maybe he’s stuck in his culture where every single woman wants to get the handcuffs on and sit back for a free ride. But surely these guys must be getting accustomed to extranjeras now. We must seem like ball-breaking liberationists compared to the 1950s type Argentine women they usually encounter. Just look at the endless television commercials for cleaning products – Ladies take off your pinnies and start living.
He collects his tourists and leaves, making an extra circuit of the plaza to blow me a kiss as he drives past. I stare at my screen until the sun comes over and I can no longer see it and my battery dies. I come home out of the blazing heat and pace around the house wishing I could pour a gin at three in the afternoon.
Is it obsession? For more than a year we have been like this. Wanting and yet pulling back. It’s idiotic. Don’t people look for someone that moves them? Why when we find it do we do everything possible to push it away?
The point is that men DONT know what they want - That's why they act so crazy-making. Getting close, pulling away. It's up to a woman to maintain self control over her own emotions as well as his.
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