Emotionally Unavailable or Abusive

There were two comments last night on the 'Are Argentine Men Narcissistic?' post and they really needed bodily response so full of hurt and anger - a situation we all encounter with these guys too often.

Another comment on that same post (from a man) said 'Yeah, so w'hat?' That says it all really.

I was hoping that maybe some of the men who read this blog would divulge some of their secrets instead of getting either enraged or cocky but I guess that is their nature. Secrets to their behaviour would empower the enemy with too much knowledge. As it states in 'The Art of War' keep your opponent in the dark (or locked in the kitchen).

My commenter Mon calls Argentine men more than narcissistic - she says their behaviour is abusive. It certainly shows a lack of respect and a preference for control over the pleasures of intimate sharing but I cant decide about abuse. In my book I do liken it to abuse but in my dealings with the BD, I have a tendency to make excuses for his behaviour. Especially after speaking to his Mother. Numerous Argentine women have told me that it's the fault of the Mothers that Argentine men are cruel and immature liars but I haven't been able to resolve this idea either. All men have mothers. Only Argentines behave this way - all of them - In three years I have heard of very few exceptions.

I refer regularly to a brilliant book called 'Stalking the Soul' that details the behavioural traits of the abusive narcissist. I can generally recognize the BD in this book but more pertinently I can recognise two men I lived with at one time - One was American and one was Canadian.

Comments

[Cherie]

Argentine men are not all as you describe. I was very lucky that I found a generous, kind, funny, loving and affectionate--and above all honest guy, and in the milonga, of all places. I've found that people are only as bad as others let them be. And in this case, we can change that to, Men are only as bad as women will allow them to be." But too many women like Bad Boys for them to ever change.

[Arlene]

Hmm. What about sociopathic? Very close to Narcissistic. Not a condition only to Argentine men. My last partner had this condition and he is American.

Although parental conditioning can contribute to these traits, there comes a time in a person's life when they can choose how to behave. We all know the difference between right and wrong and how to behave and treat people properly. These men will never change as their habits have started in their youth. The problem here is that women allow it or put up with it or make excuses for it. Take your pick. That to me is more telling than anything else.

There is a saying: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

If you want to change your life you need to do the opposite of what you have done before and that goes to being involved with men like that. As Nancy Reagan said: Just say no.