Dating Argentine Men - or How to Learn to Love Yourself

I'm re-posting here a comment from Selma just received on an old post so that everyone can share her experience. It's interesting she says that she thought that her guy was different and that he worked hard to persuade her of how different he could be. The promises are usually an indication of faux feeling.

I now view any relationship with an Argentine as an opportunity to learn - about yourself and why you fall into these situations. There are always signs from the beginning but we choose not to hear our intuition and to hope too much. There is nothing to miss about leaving Argentina except the wine.

Here is Selma's comment...

"This blog should be a warning to every woman who even thinks of getting involved with an argentine man. When I started dating mine I came across this blog when I was reading about argentina to understand his background better and I thought, well not all men are the same and he is so sweet and lovely...
I was wrong. I never thought I would fall for it but I did. He explained why he is not like most argentine men and how much he is looking for a real and honest love where he can be giving his heart and soul into it and all the time he kept me thinking that what we had has potential but he was really smart in avoiding saying anything directly and kept me hanging. I was very careful in the beginning and did not go completely with it and he was totally sweet and caring and communicative. As soon as I got hooked and started showing that I have developed feelings for him he became distant and then I found out that already in the first weeks of dating he knew that he'll leave the country as he had applied for a job somewhere else. Once I confronted him with this and asked him what "we" actually are it was over.
We went from talking about the ideal relationship to a painful break-up - and even then he couldn't let me go. He had to keep telling me that it was special and important but that he doesn't see a future. He kept me hanging with a push-and-pull technique for 3 weeks until I couldn't stand it anymore and confronted him with his contradictionary behaviour. He told me it wasn't that special after all and called me aggressive because I was pushing him to be honest and once he was and I could finally put everything in perspective I told him that I appreciate he's being honest about me just being an affair and that at least now I can close this chapter, he went completely mental and told me he can not tolerate my aggressiveness and has no respect for me anymore. He broke all contact and way of communication (blocking me even on facebook).
I really don't get it. I kind of offended him by saying it's alright that he was not that into me as I was into him but now that he was honest about it I can at least understand. I have never experienced something that contradictionary and emotionally dragging before. No more argentine men.
If you think if dating one, think twice or three times and don't let them sweet talk you. They can be very manipulative and make you feel that you just don't understand how relationships with them work but truly they are just afraid of commitment and looking for the next chase....

Comments

[Rahman]

I am 59, been off my 40 year old egdetrallice for 5 years, retired and borred. Thinking about doing what you have done on a limited scale. Mostly pacific nw to begin with. Any suggestions?

[besuquear]

I read this blog because I am also very interested in relationships with Argentine men and I think there is much to be learned from the experiences shared here. But at the same time, I want to share a positive story and point out that there are, in fact, many exceptions to the negative stereotypes voiced here over and over. People are people throughout the world -- bad, good, and in-between. The important lesson to take from these stories is not to avoid Argentine men like the plague -- it's to learn to think critically, to recognize problematic behavior and learn to love ourselves enough to demand the highest level of love and respect from our partners.

I met my Argentine boyfriend about two and half years ago at the university in Buenos Aires. I was leaving the country in a couple weeks and we both fell in love from something that started as a fling, and the first foreigner that either of us had ever dated. Back then I wasn't sure if the feeling was real or just wishful thinking, but I had the sense that he would be a "big love" in my life. I changed my plans and went back for another semester to give it a shot. It was the best decision I ever made. In our two years together, this has been the most open, trusting, and filled with love relationship I've ever had. We became novios after a couple months, during a trip together to Brazil. His family embraced me and took care of me and loved me like a daughter. When I had to go home to finish my degree, he came to the U.S. three times for me - first to visit my family, then to visit me at school, and finally to put his own career on hold to live with me for four months. In every instance he has surpassed my wishes and expectations. As a good relationship does, we help each other learn and grow. He recognizes some of the typical problems of Argentine men -- the cheating, the lies, the disrespect -- and knows people like that. But his father and his close group of friends have chosen to not behave like that, to truly respect and adore their partners. His parents' marriage is what I hope to have, because it's so clear after so many years that they're still deeply in love. His friends have been faithful to their girlfriends for four, five years and it matters to them to do the right thing. I'm not saying we'll never break up -- maybe we will, but I think I can say with relative certainty that it will be for normal reasons -- that we fall out of love, or realize we want different things in life, or whatever it is -- and not because all Argentine men are incapable of real love.